Bikram Vohra explores the trends in the nuptial route
Bizarre. But true. Related by an involved party. This 44-year-old man, married 17 years, comes home one evening and asks his wife to get into the car because he wants to take her for a drive. It has been a wearying marriage these past few years, no romance, no warmth and she is pleasantly surprised.
At one point he stops the car and picks up this woman. Now he introduces her to the wife as his girlfriend and explains that the marriage is over, all washed up and this is the new love of his life.
The reason I got you into the car, he says, is because my girlfriend won’t believe I have told you how I feel so I wanted her to witness it.
Then, since it is all over, he requests his wife to get out of the car and take a cab home.
I hope that by the time I come in you have left for your parents, he says, all civilised and cool.
Next morning, as the shock begins to wear off she realises the house is hers not her husbands and there is no reason why she should leave, let him get out.
So she goes back home and tells him to take a hike. He protests and says, I don’t have a place to go to, you can stay with your parents, be reasonable, where will I go?
Male chauvinistic logic at its best. He is actually upset that she won’t understand his plight.
Out, she says, now.
So he calls his aging parents and complains that his wife is being a stick in the mud and is throwing him out and can he come live with them. They agree and are quite put out that their daughter in law is being so uppity.
Look, don’t blame me, this is exactly how the story goes… and it goes even more whacky.
Now, the husband has a sister who lives abroad and she is pro the wife so she gets into the act and tells her brother what a twit he is and then calls Mum and Dad and ticks them off too.
Now, the wife goes over to her in laws and says, look the reason I threw him out was to make him see sense, you don’t end 17 years of marriage because he suddenly has a crush on some girl, as parents you should work towards saving our marriage not wrecking its chances.
Sorry, say the parents, but after 17 years we have got our son back and we are not interested.
So, the parents move out of their house for sake of son’s comfort and move into foreign based daughter’s house since she doesn’t need it.
Okay, in case you have lost me what we have is: one wife in her own home. One husband with new girl in Mum and Dad’s home and Mum and Dad in daughter’s home and the daughter is abroad.
Now, the Fates, who have ostensibly been watching this theatre of the absurd decide to get into the act and the sister’s husband loses his job abroad and they have to come back home.
Except that they do not have a house. Stand by for this bulletin. The wife offers a section of her house to her sister in law.
So, they arrive and move into the brother’s former house where the rejected wife lives alone.
Somewhere around here you’d think the brother’s love affair falls apart and all repentant and contrite he comes weeping for forgiveness. Sister gets her house, girlfriend is cast out and husband and wife live happily ever after.
No. He is still with his girlfriend. His sister stays with his wife. Mum and Dad are in their daughter’s house and everything is right with the world.
I wonder what they do when they meet for a family get together?